Focus

This evening, I am writing this very late, and I am very tired. I haven't accomplished terribly much more today than I do on any other day, but I've been doing things all day. For instance, my grandfather sent me a link to an online jigsaw puzzle, and then I found out that I can do infinite numbers of puzzles. That's not really a for-instance, it's pretty much the only distraction I had today. I love and hate finding new computer games or other distractions. Love because I am amused or challenged or get to use my brain in new ways, and hate because, God, look at me. Think of how well I could have used that time instead. Think of how asleep I could be right now, how much shorter my list could be tomorrow, how much less frazzled I could be as I pack for the weekend tomorrow afternoon.

Things always turn out well for me. Somehow, the things I'm obliged to do get done, no matter how much time I spend on things no one holds me accountable for. This is very much a blessing, but I think it keeps me from reforming and saying a resounding "NO!" to these time-eaters. The best thing I can do, for now, is remind myself of the power of focus and the importance of my top priorities. I thought of this article from Utne, which is actually an excerpt from a book. It's stuck with me for months because it talks about the far-reaching effects of focus or lack thereof. I need this today, and maybe you do, too.

On Giving Blood

I gave blood once or twice in college, maybe high school. It was a highly unpleasant experience, more psychologically than physically, and I decided I could be of service in more comfortable ways.

Fast-forward to early this summer, when my church held a blood drive and I felt the semi-familiar pang of "I should do that." I realized that I hardly ever did anything painful for anyone else. Youth group is loads of fun, and so are the other church-related things I do. I knew service is not about free pizza and fun and games, and giving blood would be one way to break that barrier. But I couldn't get away from work to give. Whew! Close one.

Then, I saw last Sunday that church was having a drive again today, Tuesday. So I called to make my appointment well ahead of time and tried not to think about it, becoming hypersensitive to the inside of my elbows.

Yesterday, I found out about a meeting I needed to cover for work which kept me from being in town for the appointed time, so I canceled. Normally, I might take this as a "sign" (AKA "excuse") that I wasn't supposed to give blood, but my mom said maybe I could give at a Red Cross center. So I called this morning and set up an appointment for tomorrow. I'll be at the center at noon, squeezing my eyes shut and dramatically turning my head away from my left arm. I'm aware that the world will not end, but I know it's going to hurt. As much as I'd like to avoid it, some things should.