The Thing That Makes Me Have to Take Deep Breaths

This morning, I left around 8:30 for my 10:00 appointment for work. Then, I swung by the office of the guy I'd interviewed yesterday because I forgot to take his picture. By 12:30, I was back home and ready for a long afternoon and evening of good work.

I checked my email and saw, in a subject line, that the governor was going to be in Jacksonville. I prayed that it would be today so I'd already missed it. It was today, but at 5 p.m., which meant I could make it in plenty of time. Not a good thing because I had lots of work to fit into the rest of the day.

I cursed the sky and made the hour-long drive, which I'm used to, but not having to go there and back twice in one day. That's what really got me.

The reason for this post's title is the anxiety these situations cause me. This unpredictability is my least favorite part of my job. Most of my days have a pretty long and detailed to-do list, and when my plans are thwarted, I get very grumpy.

Since I only have a few more weeks at work here, this should be only an annoyance. But it's not the current trouble that gets me worked up, it's the future implications. Ministry, as I imagine it, is nothing but days like this. If I work in a church, or in a nonprofit agency, I will very frequently sit down in my office with a full docket of important and rewarding work for the day, only to check my email or voicemail or receive a call that...fill in the blank. Someone has died. Someone's in the hospital. A child is missing. Dramatic things like this may not happen super-often, but surely my flock will mix things up with smaller issues, like needing a confidante, not showing up for a volunteer job so I have to handle it, inviting me to something at the last minute, or some other harebrained scheme.

It's hard for me to think of this, mostly because of how badly I handle it at present. After a minute or two of overexcitement, I remember that church life will be considerably less disruptive for me. For one thing, a big one, these last-minute calls won't involve an hour-plus drive each time. I'll live in the same town as my employer. Going to something at 5 won't mean I'm sitting down to work at 9. Also, I will be helping people I care about, not inwardly rolling my eyes about an event that has no importance to me. And I knew when I took this job that it wasn't a perfect fit. If I go into my next job or career with more peace about it, that will create a much better and more harmonious, fulfilling situation.

So I lean heavily on these ideas on days like this. I'm not looking at a future of this level of frustration. There will be plenty of frustration, I know, but not much of this breed. A comforting thought.