Weekend Bonanza, part 4: Pilgrimage

Friday morning, I was going to pick up police reports (I realize this is the third mention of them in as many posts on this blog, but please don't think they're taking over my life. It's just that I do them at the end of the week, and the posts are always about the weekends) and I saw a car in front of me go off the road, like way off the road. I wasn't sure anyone else had seen it, so I stopped on the shoulder, grabbed my AAA card and phone, and stepped gingerly toward the ditch. The driver, still inside, asked how bad it was. Not very. The bumper was pretty much falling off, but it looked like it would still be very much driveable. The driver, a woman my age or younger, got out and tried to push the car out of the ditch, then decided to have it towed. She told me she'd been working 80-hour weeks in Jacksonville at a tattoo shop, living in Wilmington and driving back and forth, and she'd fallen asleep at the wheel. Poor thing. I told her not to work 80 hours anymore. She was physically unhurt and wasn't even crying. Five other people stopped, but the situation seemed pretty much under control. The woman had called her mom, who was looking up towing options, and there didn't seem to be much else we could do. I asked if her phone was fully charged, which it was, and she hugged me, and I went on.

The point of that story was, that's plenty of excitement for me in one day. On my way back, I got a call from my roommate, who was freaking out about something out of our control, and that added a lot to the day's excitement quota. We've dealt with it now, but it made me late for leaving for Pilgrimage, a conference-wide Methodist youth event in Fayetteville. Luckily I was only late by a few minutes. I jumped in the van with Jared (associate pastor) and three guys and tenth-grade girls, and we were off.

I couldn't have asked for a better van of folks for the weekend! They were always in the vehicle on time and never short on entertaining observations, and Jared is so dear and insightful, to the point that many of his questions and statements make me mad with their unnecessary insightfulness. I had a great time with those kids all weekend.

The speaker was Bart Campolo, Tony Campolo's son. He was very entertaining and thought-provoking, for the kids and for the adult leaders. He talked about loving people like Jesus loves, something we all need to hear.

Last year, they had some hip young pastors talk about their calling for a few minutes and say you could go to one of the tables if you might be called or interested in ministry. I remember it from last year because I wanted them to be quiet and let me go on my merry way. I was actually very curious, even semi-anxious, about whether they'd have something like that this year. Of course, they did, on Saturday morning. Different individuals, same setup. They told you to go to the Board of Ordained Ministry table to pursue those ideas of ministry, etc.

So I went to the Board of Ordained Ministry table, and I ended up talking to the guy who took Jared's place at his last church when Jared came to Pine Valley. So we talk a little about seminary and ministry and calling, and I cry a little and we pray and I cry more, and I don't remember a lot of the conversation but I do remember that Nathan said, "Just from talking to you right now, I think you're called."

Whoa. "Okay, thank you."

On the way back to my seat, I felt every possible emotion about that statement. It was the most clear-cut thing anyone had told me about the possibility of a call to ministry for me, which I've been exploring for a long time. I can resent it, enjoy it, be flattered, get excited, remain confused, go wide-eyed and dry-mouthed with fear, abhor the thought of so much change at once, or any number of other options. For a few minutes, I even rationalized it away with the idea that he probably says that to everyone, or thought I wanted to hear it, or had some reason other than truth for saying such a lovely and brutal thing. But the one thing I can't do is ignore it. You don't get a gift like that every day.

So I sort of dream-walked my way through the rest of the weekend as I processed that and cared for kids and kept things going. And I'm still dream-walking a bit. Still very confused about timing and specifics. But I know now that I am going to seminary someday, and I am leading God's people someday, and I'm not going to feel this tension between career and personal life someday, and someday I'm going to see how my little jigsaw-puzzle life fits together and how it joins at the edges with everyone else's, and I'm going to continue to know without a doubt, like I know now, that I'm in the right place, doing the right thing, following where God leads, letting the questions be questions and enjoying the rest while it lasts.