I liked what Erin did by looking back at 2010 on her blog, so I am going to do that too.
In January, I rang in the new year with a great party, attended mostly by my Sunday School class. I had another party a week later, for everyone from school who wasn't in town.
In February, I went to Charleston with friends for less than 48 hours.
In March, I had my thesis reading and then left for nine days of writing in a cabin for Spring Break. Then I turned my thesis in.
In April, I went to Denver for AWP and was swept up in bubbling writer-love.
In May, I graduated. Mom and Dad came, and we ate at Sweet 'N' Savory. Later, Stuart googlechatted me to say he was at Ocean Isle and I should come visit. I left a couple hours later and stayed for a few days, drinking coffee out of a Sid Luck cup, reading, swimming in the ocean, sitting on his dock, looking for jobs side by side on our respective computers. We watched Sister Act on DVD one night, and the next night, Sister Act 2 was on TV. We did a puzzle of hot-air balloons.
In June, Bill retired (our senior pastor) and Randy came. We love them both a lot. I got a job as a newspaper reporter and photographer, which is mostly fun and educational.
In August, I went to Seagrove for the second annual Seagrove Potters for Peace. I got two mugs, a plate, and a necklace that I wore almost every day for several months. I went to homecoming at my church in Henderson and got a new phone.
In October, I went with Lindsey and Lyndsay to spend a couple nights in Lindsey's family's cabin and hike in Hanging Rock State Park. I watched Exit Through the Gift Shop, which may be the best movie I saw all year. Unless Away We Go was this year, which I don't think it was.
In November, I went to Asheville to see John's percussion ensemble perform. I went to Pilgrimage with the youth and had a stranger tell me I'm called to ministry. I hosted a party to honor James Thurber's birthday a month early and baked a cake from his mom's recipe. I went to the third annual Celebration of Seagrove Potters and had dinner with Philip and Sims, whom I hadn't seen in probably years.
Somewhere in there, Jonah and Jack were born, a few months apart. Lindsey got engaged just after Christmas. Michelle was named News Director at WHQR. Lyndsay moved to Denver. Mike and Katie moved to the Charlotte area. I became better friends with Anna, Rachel, and Allison by watching the Thursday night shows with them. I learned to play Telephone Pictionary. I fell hard for NPR. I got to where I could run all the way around the Loop at Wrightsville Beach, stopped running for too long, and now I'm almost back there. Our department's new publishing imprint used my handwriting in its logo. I started shopping strategically, first by paying attention to the sales at Harris Teeter, then by combining them with coupons. Just today, I got 80-something dollars worth of groceries for $30.01. My small group stopped meeting formally, and there was no rejoicing, but I did survive it. I met a guy on eHarmony but had to file him under "fun while it lasted" after only a couple months. I finished the last half of the Novel Class and the last semester of grad school. Beginning in the summer, much to my surprise, I began my third and most serious round of thinking about seminary, which culminated (thus far) in last night's creation of a master list of what each one needs for the application. That would be the biggest outward and measurable thing of 2010, that decision to take a deep breath and plunge into a commitment that big. A pretty big deal inwardly as well.
So there you have it. 2010 at a glance. It was a doozy. More tears, I think, and certainly for more reasons, than any other year of my adult life. But I don't look back and see the tears. I see unprecedented changes at an unprecedented rate, and more love than I know what to do with, and wide-eyed learning and curiosity and hope. I see a farmer putting his hands into very rich soil, preparing it for breathtaking growth.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Any day now...
...I'll be ready to sit and read, or enjoy a loaf of fresh bread, or settle down with one of the seven $1 DVDs I got at Harris Teeter, without doing mental wheelies and donuts about:
-teaching English in France (darn you, UNCW careers website, for raising long-dead possibilities!)
-the Sojourners internship
-what I would do with my couch, bed, books, &c in either of the above cases
-seminary/div school wheres and whens
-the one-hour Office that's coming on tomorrow. Holly's back!
-Christmas baking and how I can limit it to ingredients I have on hand and whether my modifications to an existing recipe will be successful
-whether it will still be this cold on Saturday when I cover a Christmas parade
-whether I should buy more socks or assume this cold snap will be over soon
-when I'm going to get my necklace fixed
-the yoga I should be doing
-the running that the cold keeps me from doing (oh, shucks)
-How I Met Your Mother season 4, which is seriously tempting me to drop the more grown-up and necessary work I've vowed to do
-this very blog
-the fatigue I've felt today and yesterday even though I got almost 8 hours of sleep each night and haven't exercised. I think cold is tiring, in part because I hunch and tense my shoulders and fists like crazy.
-plenty of other stuff on plenty of scales, from "where does that comma belong?" to "where do I belong?"
Bill said this morning that it's exciting, my having so many possibilities before me. I said I had hoped that would be over and I could sit back for a while. He said I guess God didn't have that in mind. While I have had a great few weeks at work, almost eerily so, it still doesn't feel like a long-term fit. There's too much tension in the rest of life, too many things changing course. And then this stupid France thing comes up (I'm talking thirty minutes ago) and muddies the waters even further. The deadline is January 1. The engagement would begin in October. I have no clue how many people apply or how hard it is to get, but I am demonstrably awesome at French. Unlike with seminary or some of the other possibilities, this feels pretty final, like if I don't do it this go-round I will not do it. The paperwork alone is enough to deter me if I don't feel a loud and clear call to go there. But my heart did truly leap within me when I saw the possibility, more than it has in a long time. Maybe that was the coffee.
-teaching English in France (darn you, UNCW careers website, for raising long-dead possibilities!)
-the Sojourners internship
-what I would do with my couch, bed, books, &c in either of the above cases
-seminary/div school wheres and whens
-the one-hour Office that's coming on tomorrow. Holly's back!
-Christmas baking and how I can limit it to ingredients I have on hand and whether my modifications to an existing recipe will be successful
-whether it will still be this cold on Saturday when I cover a Christmas parade
-whether I should buy more socks or assume this cold snap will be over soon
-when I'm going to get my necklace fixed
-the yoga I should be doing
-the running that the cold keeps me from doing (oh, shucks)
-How I Met Your Mother season 4, which is seriously tempting me to drop the more grown-up and necessary work I've vowed to do
-this very blog
-the fatigue I've felt today and yesterday even though I got almost 8 hours of sleep each night and haven't exercised. I think cold is tiring, in part because I hunch and tense my shoulders and fists like crazy.
-plenty of other stuff on plenty of scales, from "where does that comma belong?" to "where do I belong?"
Bill said this morning that it's exciting, my having so many possibilities before me. I said I had hoped that would be over and I could sit back for a while. He said I guess God didn't have that in mind. While I have had a great few weeks at work, almost eerily so, it still doesn't feel like a long-term fit. There's too much tension in the rest of life, too many things changing course. And then this stupid France thing comes up (I'm talking thirty minutes ago) and muddies the waters even further. The deadline is January 1. The engagement would begin in October. I have no clue how many people apply or how hard it is to get, but I am demonstrably awesome at French. Unlike with seminary or some of the other possibilities, this feels pretty final, like if I don't do it this go-round I will not do it. The paperwork alone is enough to deter me if I don't feel a loud and clear call to go there. But my heart did truly leap within me when I saw the possibility, more than it has in a long time. Maybe that was the coffee.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Here I Am Again
Not exactly on my own, but back after such a glorious four days or so at Mom and Dad's house for Thanksgiving. I didn't do anything I didn't want to do! And I did a lot of stuff I did want to do, like watching Date Night and eating excellent food and walking around the neighborhood and reading old New York Timeses.
And then I came here. There were a lot of tears on the way back. It's the first time I've been upset to come back to Wilmington, and one of very few times I've not wanted to return to any place I've lived. It seems to mark the point where it's clear that a move is coming. Without Lyndsay here, and with Lindsey in an important relationship, with most of my school friends finna graduate and move on, with people talking about not having supper club and with too many other changes spinning me around, the town loses much of its sparkle. Sure, downtown is sweet, sure there's a selection of beaches, but with no one to enjoy them with, what's the point? Today, I'd rather rip off the band-aid and start over somewhere new than stay here and watch things deteriorate. Both options are pretty unpleasant, but the idea of something new has its familiar pull. So the relentless search continues, as the emotional and logistical sides of the problem take turns being front and center. Mostly I just want to lie down.
In Date Night, there's a scene where Tina Fey tells Steve Carell (her husband) how hard it is for her to handle everything, how exhausted she is with all of her responsibilities. You've seen twice how she asks him to do something and then decides it'd be easier to do it herself. So during this conversation, Steve says, "You know what would make some of those things a whole lot easier? Me." He says she doesn't trust him to do things right, so she takes everything on herself instead. And he may use too much jelly on the PB&J, or he may buy the wrong kind of toy, but he says he will surprise her. And he genuinely wants to do these things and anything else he can to help.
At the time, it was a sweet scene and a pointed observation about how many couples operate. But later, as I thought it over, I realized I'm just like Tina Fey's character in that way. There's a way things should be done, and I'm the one who has it figured out. Other people might mess things up, but more importantly, I am resistant to letting even God handle things for me. I'm so insistent on my system that I leave no room for any aid, even from the best helper in the universe. So now I'm at that wretched-in-the-pit-of-my-stomach point where I know what change I need to make but am not at all excited about making it. Because it involves change, not just changing circumstances which can sometimes be fun, but changing myself. Changing who I am and how I think and feel. It also requires trust, which I've almost given up on ever having or understanding. And humility. And a dozen other qualities I don't even know I need.
So here's to holidays like Thanksgiving where family and love and food and fun can help us forget how much work we have ahead of us. To quiet car rides that help us remember. To towns like Wilmington where the friend parade never stops, and to the future, where we'll at least have another day's worth of experience to help us figure things out.
And then I came here. There were a lot of tears on the way back. It's the first time I've been upset to come back to Wilmington, and one of very few times I've not wanted to return to any place I've lived. It seems to mark the point where it's clear that a move is coming. Without Lyndsay here, and with Lindsey in an important relationship, with most of my school friends finna graduate and move on, with people talking about not having supper club and with too many other changes spinning me around, the town loses much of its sparkle. Sure, downtown is sweet, sure there's a selection of beaches, but with no one to enjoy them with, what's the point? Today, I'd rather rip off the band-aid and start over somewhere new than stay here and watch things deteriorate. Both options are pretty unpleasant, but the idea of something new has its familiar pull. So the relentless search continues, as the emotional and logistical sides of the problem take turns being front and center. Mostly I just want to lie down.
In Date Night, there's a scene where Tina Fey tells Steve Carell (her husband) how hard it is for her to handle everything, how exhausted she is with all of her responsibilities. You've seen twice how she asks him to do something and then decides it'd be easier to do it herself. So during this conversation, Steve says, "You know what would make some of those things a whole lot easier? Me." He says she doesn't trust him to do things right, so she takes everything on herself instead. And he may use too much jelly on the PB&J, or he may buy the wrong kind of toy, but he says he will surprise her. And he genuinely wants to do these things and anything else he can to help.
At the time, it was a sweet scene and a pointed observation about how many couples operate. But later, as I thought it over, I realized I'm just like Tina Fey's character in that way. There's a way things should be done, and I'm the one who has it figured out. Other people might mess things up, but more importantly, I am resistant to letting even God handle things for me. I'm so insistent on my system that I leave no room for any aid, even from the best helper in the universe. So now I'm at that wretched-in-the-pit-of-my-stomach point where I know what change I need to make but am not at all excited about making it. Because it involves change, not just changing circumstances which can sometimes be fun, but changing myself. Changing who I am and how I think and feel. It also requires trust, which I've almost given up on ever having or understanding. And humility. And a dozen other qualities I don't even know I need.
So here's to holidays like Thanksgiving where family and love and food and fun can help us forget how much work we have ahead of us. To quiet car rides that help us remember. To towns like Wilmington where the friend parade never stops, and to the future, where we'll at least have another day's worth of experience to help us figure things out.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Weekend Bonanza, part 5: Seagrove
I covered a sheriff's department meeting for work at 8 a.m. and wrote it up, then headed to the middle of the state for a weekend of relaxation. I had a grand vision of spending all of Saturday reading, maybe watching something on TV, and generally having nothing to worry about and nowhere to be. Friday night would be the opening gala for the Celebration of Seagrove Potters.
But first, I wanted to see a bookbinding exhibit at UNC-Greensboro. I called my friend Sims, who lives somewhat near there, after seeing a sign that I always see that said "Sims Pottery." Sims' first name is Margaret, and she hates it. Her middle name is Sims. So I called to see if she wanted to see this exhibit with me and have a cone at the Yum-Yum. Alas, she was at work, but she invited me to see Harry Potter with her on Saturday or have dinner. I squirmed at losing my grand vision of relaxation, but it's not every day that you get to see Philip and Sims (or anyone like them!), so we said we'd talk later.
The bookbinding exhibit was neat, but it was a much smaller deal than I thought it was. It was in a room where people were working, and it was sort of like, "Oh, that, yeah, that's over there." And they were all leather-bound for posterity, not handmade in the way I had expected. I was glad I went. Then I had my child-sized Yum-Yum cone, which was the perfect amount, and got on the road to the storied house on Badin Lake.
Mom had just gotten there and was turning on the water. I helped her unload some slate she'd bought at the slate mine on her way there, and then I swept the leaves off the dock and we talked about law enforcement and how I feel much more tender-hearted toward them and thankful for them than I did before starting at this job. Not that I was like, "cops suck," but I took a rather cynical view before.
We got to Luck's bean cannery for the gala (I love that word), and there were fewer cars in the parking lot, and the music inside was too loud at first. Someone told me later that the parking was freer because they hadn't let potters park there this time, which made me feel better because I was worried there were fewer folks. Mom bought a batter bowl by Vernon Owens and some tiny vases by Michael Mahan and probably some other things. I saw a lot that I liked but nothing I needed, and I was perfectly content to just soak up the beauty. I lined up a jeweler, Jennie Lorette Keats of JLK Jewelry, to make my wedding ring. Now just to nail down every other aspect of my wedding, including the dude....
We came back tired and happy and made tea and slept til 10 the next morning. We listened to Car Talk and Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me, then went for a walk and came back and had frozen pizzas for lunch. I read for a bit and then left to meet Sims and Philip in Asheboro, which was about 40 minutes for me and an hour for them. Clearly we were not as close as we thought. We talked about almost nothing but Harry Potter as they debriefed themselves from the latest film. The restaurant was Sagebrush, which was neat because they served the water in mason jars and gave you a bucket of peanuts as an appetizer. My food wasn't very good, but I was happy to be with them. We walked across the parking lot to the mall and got a dessert at the Books-a-Million cafe, which was surprisingly good. Then we walked around the mall a bit, going in the pet store and the toy store, and said goodnight. A very good time with very good friends.
Sunday broke my expectations in every way, most of it unpleasant. I meant to leave at 9 and got on the road at 10. I wanted to be back in time to have Zaxby's before Disciple because it was having a fundraiser for one of our ministries, but I had to go straight to church. I wanted to spend the afternoon reading there before youth group, but it there was a youth activity I didn't know about and a meeting I didn't know about, so I took part in those instead. Youth group was good and did not mess up my expectations for it. Then I thought we were going to have our not-small-group-anymore-just-hanging-out meeting at someone's house, but they had decided to go out to eat, which I did not have the money for and didn't want to do. So I was very grumpy for the start of that, and I think they could tell, but once I had resigned myself to sitting and watching them eat, I was happy to be with my friends. Until Lyndsay said she's moving to Colorado, but we agreed not to talk about that anymore beyond the basic announcement. 48 hours later, I have not let it sink in, nor do I want to. All I can say just now is, Colorado, you're in for a treat.
When I got home, hoping to sleep in the next morning, I had an email asking me to cover something at 9 a.m., meaning I had to leave the house at 7:30. God was definitely telling me to kiss expectations goodbye. Or it was just a kind of sucky day. Probably a bit of both. But the question is, without expectations, why do anything? And where's the line between healthy expectations that help you plan things, whether it's an evening or a life, and harmful ones that set you up for disappointment? I'm still smarting a little from the relentlessness of that day and trying to process what role expectations should play in life.
The next and final installment in the Weekend Bonanza series is, of course, Thanksgiving! My expectations are already high and fully formed. ;)
But first, I wanted to see a bookbinding exhibit at UNC-Greensboro. I called my friend Sims, who lives somewhat near there, after seeing a sign that I always see that said "Sims Pottery." Sims' first name is Margaret, and she hates it. Her middle name is Sims. So I called to see if she wanted to see this exhibit with me and have a cone at the Yum-Yum. Alas, she was at work, but she invited me to see Harry Potter with her on Saturday or have dinner. I squirmed at losing my grand vision of relaxation, but it's not every day that you get to see Philip and Sims (or anyone like them!), so we said we'd talk later.
The bookbinding exhibit was neat, but it was a much smaller deal than I thought it was. It was in a room where people were working, and it was sort of like, "Oh, that, yeah, that's over there." And they were all leather-bound for posterity, not handmade in the way I had expected. I was glad I went. Then I had my child-sized Yum-Yum cone, which was the perfect amount, and got on the road to the storied house on Badin Lake.
Mom had just gotten there and was turning on the water. I helped her unload some slate she'd bought at the slate mine on her way there, and then I swept the leaves off the dock and we talked about law enforcement and how I feel much more tender-hearted toward them and thankful for them than I did before starting at this job. Not that I was like, "cops suck," but I took a rather cynical view before.
We got to Luck's bean cannery for the gala (I love that word), and there were fewer cars in the parking lot, and the music inside was too loud at first. Someone told me later that the parking was freer because they hadn't let potters park there this time, which made me feel better because I was worried there were fewer folks. Mom bought a batter bowl by Vernon Owens and some tiny vases by Michael Mahan and probably some other things. I saw a lot that I liked but nothing I needed, and I was perfectly content to just soak up the beauty. I lined up a jeweler, Jennie Lorette Keats of JLK Jewelry, to make my wedding ring. Now just to nail down every other aspect of my wedding, including the dude....
We came back tired and happy and made tea and slept til 10 the next morning. We listened to Car Talk and Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me, then went for a walk and came back and had frozen pizzas for lunch. I read for a bit and then left to meet Sims and Philip in Asheboro, which was about 40 minutes for me and an hour for them. Clearly we were not as close as we thought. We talked about almost nothing but Harry Potter as they debriefed themselves from the latest film. The restaurant was Sagebrush, which was neat because they served the water in mason jars and gave you a bucket of peanuts as an appetizer. My food wasn't very good, but I was happy to be with them. We walked across the parking lot to the mall and got a dessert at the Books-a-Million cafe, which was surprisingly good. Then we walked around the mall a bit, going in the pet store and the toy store, and said goodnight. A very good time with very good friends.
Sunday broke my expectations in every way, most of it unpleasant. I meant to leave at 9 and got on the road at 10. I wanted to be back in time to have Zaxby's before Disciple because it was having a fundraiser for one of our ministries, but I had to go straight to church. I wanted to spend the afternoon reading there before youth group, but it there was a youth activity I didn't know about and a meeting I didn't know about, so I took part in those instead. Youth group was good and did not mess up my expectations for it. Then I thought we were going to have our not-small-group-anymore-just-hanging-out meeting at someone's house, but they had decided to go out to eat, which I did not have the money for and didn't want to do. So I was very grumpy for the start of that, and I think they could tell, but once I had resigned myself to sitting and watching them eat, I was happy to be with my friends. Until Lyndsay said she's moving to Colorado, but we agreed not to talk about that anymore beyond the basic announcement. 48 hours later, I have not let it sink in, nor do I want to. All I can say just now is, Colorado, you're in for a treat.
When I got home, hoping to sleep in the next morning, I had an email asking me to cover something at 9 a.m., meaning I had to leave the house at 7:30. God was definitely telling me to kiss expectations goodbye. Or it was just a kind of sucky day. Probably a bit of both. But the question is, without expectations, why do anything? And where's the line between healthy expectations that help you plan things, whether it's an evening or a life, and harmful ones that set you up for disappointment? I'm still smarting a little from the relentlessness of that day and trying to process what role expectations should play in life.
The next and final installment in the Weekend Bonanza series is, of course, Thanksgiving! My expectations are already high and fully formed. ;)
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Weekend Bonanza, part 4: Pilgrimage
Friday morning, I was going to pick up police reports (I realize this is the third mention of them in as many posts on this blog, but please don't think they're taking over my life. It's just that I do them at the end of the week, and the posts are always about the weekends) and I saw a car in front of me go off the road, like way off the road. I wasn't sure anyone else had seen it, so I stopped on the shoulder, grabbed my AAA card and phone, and stepped gingerly toward the ditch. The driver, still inside, asked how bad it was. Not very. The bumper was pretty much falling off, but it looked like it would still be very much driveable. The driver, a woman my age or younger, got out and tried to push the car out of the ditch, then decided to have it towed. She told me she'd been working 80-hour weeks in Jacksonville at a tattoo shop, living in Wilmington and driving back and forth, and she'd fallen asleep at the wheel. Poor thing. I told her not to work 80 hours anymore. She was physically unhurt and wasn't even crying. Five other people stopped, but the situation seemed pretty much under control. The woman had called her mom, who was looking up towing options, and there didn't seem to be much else we could do. I asked if her phone was fully charged, which it was, and she hugged me, and I went on.
The point of that story was, that's plenty of excitement for me in one day. On my way back, I got a call from my roommate, who was freaking out about something out of our control, and that added a lot to the day's excitement quota. We've dealt with it now, but it made me late for leaving for Pilgrimage, a conference-wide Methodist youth event in Fayetteville. Luckily I was only late by a few minutes. I jumped in the van with Jared (associate pastor) and three guys and tenth-grade girls, and we were off.
I couldn't have asked for a better van of folks for the weekend! They were always in the vehicle on time and never short on entertaining observations, and Jared is so dear and insightful, to the point that many of his questions and statements make me mad with their unnecessary insightfulness. I had a great time with those kids all weekend.
The speaker was Bart Campolo, Tony Campolo's son. He was very entertaining and thought-provoking, for the kids and for the adult leaders. He talked about loving people like Jesus loves, something we all need to hear.
Last year, they had some hip young pastors talk about their calling for a few minutes and say you could go to one of the tables if you might be called or interested in ministry. I remember it from last year because I wanted them to be quiet and let me go on my merry way. I was actually very curious, even semi-anxious, about whether they'd have something like that this year. Of course, they did, on Saturday morning. Different individuals, same setup. They told you to go to the Board of Ordained Ministry table to pursue those ideas of ministry, etc.
So I went to the Board of Ordained Ministry table, and I ended up talking to the guy who took Jared's place at his last church when Jared came to Pine Valley. So we talk a little about seminary and ministry and calling, and I cry a little and we pray and I cry more, and I don't remember a lot of the conversation but I do remember that Nathan said, "Just from talking to you right now, I think you're called."
Whoa. "Okay, thank you."
On the way back to my seat, I felt every possible emotion about that statement. It was the most clear-cut thing anyone had told me about the possibility of a call to ministry for me, which I've been exploring for a long time. I can resent it, enjoy it, be flattered, get excited, remain confused, go wide-eyed and dry-mouthed with fear, abhor the thought of so much change at once, or any number of other options. For a few minutes, I even rationalized it away with the idea that he probably says that to everyone, or thought I wanted to hear it, or had some reason other than truth for saying such a lovely and brutal thing. But the one thing I can't do is ignore it. You don't get a gift like that every day.
So I sort of dream-walked my way through the rest of the weekend as I processed that and cared for kids and kept things going. And I'm still dream-walking a bit. Still very confused about timing and specifics. But I know now that I am going to seminary someday, and I am leading God's people someday, and I'm not going to feel this tension between career and personal life someday, and someday I'm going to see how my little jigsaw-puzzle life fits together and how it joins at the edges with everyone else's, and I'm going to continue to know without a doubt, like I know now, that I'm in the right place, doing the right thing, following where God leads, letting the questions be questions and enjoying the rest while it lasts.
The point of that story was, that's plenty of excitement for me in one day. On my way back, I got a call from my roommate, who was freaking out about something out of our control, and that added a lot to the day's excitement quota. We've dealt with it now, but it made me late for leaving for Pilgrimage, a conference-wide Methodist youth event in Fayetteville. Luckily I was only late by a few minutes. I jumped in the van with Jared (associate pastor) and three guys and tenth-grade girls, and we were off.
I couldn't have asked for a better van of folks for the weekend! They were always in the vehicle on time and never short on entertaining observations, and Jared is so dear and insightful, to the point that many of his questions and statements make me mad with their unnecessary insightfulness. I had a great time with those kids all weekend.
The speaker was Bart Campolo, Tony Campolo's son. He was very entertaining and thought-provoking, for the kids and for the adult leaders. He talked about loving people like Jesus loves, something we all need to hear.
Last year, they had some hip young pastors talk about their calling for a few minutes and say you could go to one of the tables if you might be called or interested in ministry. I remember it from last year because I wanted them to be quiet and let me go on my merry way. I was actually very curious, even semi-anxious, about whether they'd have something like that this year. Of course, they did, on Saturday morning. Different individuals, same setup. They told you to go to the Board of Ordained Ministry table to pursue those ideas of ministry, etc.
So I went to the Board of Ordained Ministry table, and I ended up talking to the guy who took Jared's place at his last church when Jared came to Pine Valley. So we talk a little about seminary and ministry and calling, and I cry a little and we pray and I cry more, and I don't remember a lot of the conversation but I do remember that Nathan said, "Just from talking to you right now, I think you're called."
Whoa. "Okay, thank you."
On the way back to my seat, I felt every possible emotion about that statement. It was the most clear-cut thing anyone had told me about the possibility of a call to ministry for me, which I've been exploring for a long time. I can resent it, enjoy it, be flattered, get excited, remain confused, go wide-eyed and dry-mouthed with fear, abhor the thought of so much change at once, or any number of other options. For a few minutes, I even rationalized it away with the idea that he probably says that to everyone, or thought I wanted to hear it, or had some reason other than truth for saying such a lovely and brutal thing. But the one thing I can't do is ignore it. You don't get a gift like that every day.
So I sort of dream-walked my way through the rest of the weekend as I processed that and cared for kids and kept things going. And I'm still dream-walking a bit. Still very confused about timing and specifics. But I know now that I am going to seminary someday, and I am leading God's people someday, and I'm not going to feel this tension between career and personal life someday, and someday I'm going to see how my little jigsaw-puzzle life fits together and how it joins at the edges with everyone else's, and I'm going to continue to know without a doubt, like I know now, that I'm in the right place, doing the right thing, following where God leads, letting the questions be questions and enjoying the rest while it lasts.
Weekend Bonanza, part 3: Asheville
I hustled on Monday through Wednesday to afford Thursday and Friday off (the 4th and 5th). Wednesday was especially jam-packed and fun because we went to the Little Dipper for fondue, then Dusty and Ace, then back to my house for a brief celebration of James Thurber and to enjoy his cake recipe. It was the first time I'd made a layer cake, and possibly the first time I'd made cake from scratch. It turned out very well! We also had some really good wine that Aunt Kim had given me. It was sparkling but red! Total pleasant shocker. I got to meet one of my friends' dad and grandmother, who were delightful. After everyone left, I worked on my articles until later than I'd like to admit.
Thursday morning, I stopped in Beulaville on the way out to take a few pictures, then I was on my way to the mountains! I hadn't really put two and two together and realized I was going to the mountains in the fall, which made the leaf colors all the more exciting. I met John at the pizza/brewing place and had a beer before dropping my car off at his house. It's an awesome house! Basically a large and inviting log cabin with plenty of room for everyone, including two dogs and two drum sets.
The percussion ensemble concert was fun, and they're very talented. We met up with a cousin and her wife for a late dinner, and almost everyone had pumpkin beer. John's girlfriend is delightful.
Friday morning, I went to Malaprop's (swoon) for a quick coffee and then we all went to Twelve Bones for lunch. Let me tell you about Twelve Bones. I had only had ribs at Medieval Times and at a home cookout, but now, now I understand what a rib is destined to be and why people want to eat them. 12 Bones has all sorts of sauces that remind me a bit of Flaming Amy's combinations, like blueberry chipotle and ginger something and you know, fruit + spicy. They had your basics too. On the side, I had jalapeno cheese grits and mac & cheese plus the standard cornbread. It was an outstanding meal.
I went back to Mom and Dad's house for the night to break up the trip. We watched the Thursday night shows while I typed up police reports. The next morning, we went to the Methodist church's fall bazaar for breakfast, and I saw some nice jewelry and they bought our holiday desserts to freeze. I left mid-morning and took some photos in Richlands for work on my way back. The weekend was a whirlwind but very much worth the trouble, and I was so glad to see my family as well as spend some time in Asheville. Every time I go there, I'm scheming to stay. Didn't come up with anything feasible this go-round, but I'll keep working on the plan.
Thursday morning, I stopped in Beulaville on the way out to take a few pictures, then I was on my way to the mountains! I hadn't really put two and two together and realized I was going to the mountains in the fall, which made the leaf colors all the more exciting. I met John at the pizza/brewing place and had a beer before dropping my car off at his house. It's an awesome house! Basically a large and inviting log cabin with plenty of room for everyone, including two dogs and two drum sets.
The percussion ensemble concert was fun, and they're very talented. We met up with a cousin and her wife for a late dinner, and almost everyone had pumpkin beer. John's girlfriend is delightful.
Friday morning, I went to Malaprop's (swoon) for a quick coffee and then we all went to Twelve Bones for lunch. Let me tell you about Twelve Bones. I had only had ribs at Medieval Times and at a home cookout, but now, now I understand what a rib is destined to be and why people want to eat them. 12 Bones has all sorts of sauces that remind me a bit of Flaming Amy's combinations, like blueberry chipotle and ginger something and you know, fruit + spicy. They had your basics too. On the side, I had jalapeno cheese grits and mac & cheese plus the standard cornbread. It was an outstanding meal.
I went back to Mom and Dad's house for the night to break up the trip. We watched the Thursday night shows while I typed up police reports. The next morning, we went to the Methodist church's fall bazaar for breakfast, and I saw some nice jewelry and they bought our holiday desserts to freeze. I left mid-morning and took some photos in Richlands for work on my way back. The weekend was a whirlwind but very much worth the trouble, and I was so glad to see my family as well as spend some time in Asheville. Every time I go there, I'm scheming to stay. Didn't come up with anything feasible this go-round, but I'll keep working on the plan.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Weekend Bonanza, part 2: Bible Study Training Workshop
I got home from a work meeting a little before (or after?) five on Friday and typed up an article and a police report real quick, then hopped over to Port City Community Church for a somewhat mysterious Bible study training workshop. It was Friday evening and all day Saturday. It turned out to be very fun and informative. A lot of work, but definitely the good kind. And it involved colored pencils! We learned how to observe, interpret, and apply the meaning of a biblical text.
First, we found out the hard facts of the book: who wrote it and for whom, why they wrote it, where it took place, when, etc. Then we went through and marked every instance of first-person pronouns or the author's name, and second-person pronouns or the recipient's name. (This was for a letter. I guess some of it would be different for history and other types of books.) Using those markings, we compiled lists of information about the author and the recipient, in this case Paul and Titus. So each time one of them was mentioned, we'd write down what it said about him. Pretty cool. We did the same thing later with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. We also used different colors to mark key words, time indicators, comparisons, contrasts, and more. The teacher was very enthusiastic, and the process is more fun than it sounds like. It was so different from the way I often read the Bible, which is much like the way I read other books but with more underlining. Reading with this new technique was like opening a jar with a rubber pancake thing to help you grip, while regular reading is like opening it with just your hands: it can be done either way, but one makes you feel stronger and gets the job done better. It is very time-consuming but very worth it.
So that's this weekend's bliss blitz installment. Up next: Asheville! Preceded by the Thurber bash and baking a cake which I don't think I've ever done from scratch, and Dusty & Ace and fondue and a whole lot of work in order to make Asheville happen. Bring it all on! I have a lot to look forward to.
First, we found out the hard facts of the book: who wrote it and for whom, why they wrote it, where it took place, when, etc. Then we went through and marked every instance of first-person pronouns or the author's name, and second-person pronouns or the recipient's name. (This was for a letter. I guess some of it would be different for history and other types of books.) Using those markings, we compiled lists of information about the author and the recipient, in this case Paul and Titus. So each time one of them was mentioned, we'd write down what it said about him. Pretty cool. We did the same thing later with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. We also used different colors to mark key words, time indicators, comparisons, contrasts, and more. The teacher was very enthusiastic, and the process is more fun than it sounds like. It was so different from the way I often read the Bible, which is much like the way I read other books but with more underlining. Reading with this new technique was like opening a jar with a rubber pancake thing to help you grip, while regular reading is like opening it with just your hands: it can be done either way, but one makes you feel stronger and gets the job done better. It is very time-consuming but very worth it.
So that's this weekend's bliss blitz installment. Up next: Asheville! Preceded by the Thurber bash and baking a cake which I don't think I've ever done from scratch, and Dusty & Ace and fondue and a whole lot of work in order to make Asheville happen. Bring it all on! I have a lot to look forward to.
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