Same thing with a tweak, I hope

What if I want it to open in a new window? I promise I'll go back to my regular style soon; I just want to get to the bottom of this. And I just noticed which picture comes up first on that link. It's a little unusual, so be forewarned if you choose to click on it.

Fun with Technology

I am trying to do the thing where you put a word and the word is a link and you don't have to look at the URL. So let's see...here is a site I would like to share. Wow! I think it worked. Look for more in the future. Oh, this could get silly. Y'all are in for it.

Oh Happy Day

One of my friends said yesterday, "I know it's been a rough week for you, but how are you doing?"

I said, "Rough week?"

She'd seen on Facebook that I'd had a couple of job rejections mid-week. By Sunday, when we had this conversation, I genuinely didn't know what she was talking about. I was on such a high from church, and Easter, and the sunshine and general state of things, that I didn't think of it as a rough week at all. The gay couple in our church had their sons baptized on Easter, at the 11:00 traditional service, when everyone would have grandparents and grandkids and other easily shocked visitors. I'm so proud of my church for having it then. A baptism is special no matter what, a baptism on Easter even more so, and those kids are a couple of the best. I missed it because I didn't know about it and went to another service, but just the thought has had me feeling good.

As far as jobs go, I've pretty much passed worry and moved to another kind of impatience, a more excited and eager kind, like Christmas Eve. I don't think the next step is going to be bad, and I don't think it won't happen, but I'm still antsy for the big reveal. Holding out in some ways still, not applying to Books-A-Million because I enjoy having my soul intact, not aiming for editorial as in author-relations, getting excited about a couple of copy editing possibilities. There's so much available, really. The geographical radius is expanding, which feels funny but OK. Because I got a big tax return, and recently was reminded that I'll get a full paycheck for May, I can actually keep looking until mid-June, I think, before I'm fully desperate. And after school's done, I can devote almost all of my time to job hunting, which means I'll be better at it, which means I'll get one sooner. So I have no reason to be worried.

Easter this year feels like Thanksgiving! I have so much to be thankful for, and so much to smile about. I went for a bike ride yesterday and sang most of the way, "Oh Happy Day" and "Joy to the World" and snippets of other joyous songs. I also read most of the September 2009 The Sun (I'm that behind) and was surprised and educated and uplifted and cried because one of the pieces was so beautiful. A few weeks ago, I was crying a lot because I was scared and kind of angry and unsure of everything. Now, I'm crying a little less but crying because I'm happy and grateful and blessed and excited. And nothing external has changed--no job, no certainty. Not sure what happened, but I'm riding this wave as long as I can. Praise Jesus, and thank you thank you thank you.

Copycattin'

I got this from Erin's blog. My fascination with this song might mean the clip is more appealing to me than to others. But it's pretty hilarious and only fifty seconds.

The Pursuit of Happyness

I watched that movie the other night on TV and was shocked by how good it was. I took one big thing away: there is no point of no return. There is no point at which one should or can say, "It will never get better." Things just got worse and worse for that guy, one after the other, through no fault of his own really. He still had a few things to cling to, which some people don't, but he did have it pretty wretched. And it didn't start looking up the minute he hit rock bottom, either. It was very bad for a long time, got worse, and stayed that bad for a long time. I admired that so much. Most movies and many books have the upswing start early, which is just not the way it happens for everyone. Props to the filmmakers. And dang, Will Smith can act! I mean, I was only half-cognizant that it was him. He was Chris Gardner to me. Gardner Rich is the investment firm he founded, in real life. If I ever need that kind of thing, I'll try them. Awesome story. See it if you haven't.

Beginning of a Long Weekend

I'm continually amazed at how much happens in one's twenties. My teenage life was so day-to-day, childhood filled with trips to the creek, most of the days up until college interchangeable. And then semesters started happening, where each one was such a departure from the last and an arrow to the next. And now this. Feeling kind of like a pinball, pinging against the edges of something gigantic and changing direction at the oddest times. I was telling a professor today (was that today?) about Spring Break, and I said, "Last month...no, wait. That was this month." March has brought three job interviews, which means three very different visions of what May and beyond will be like, plus all the ones I make up for myself, plus the aforementioned Break in Seagrove writing, writing, writing, the thesis brought from helpless baby bird to hopeful fledgling and turned in to both committee and grad school, a move across the hall, a toilet fixed, a roommate out and waiting for her replacement, and at least one other factor I won't detail just yet for fear of jinxing it or pushing it into some invisible wall or smothering it by using the wrong words but so far it's the best one of all. So, yeah, March.

And April means Easter which means wackiness at church, then AWP in Denver which means seeing an old friend I'm just now ready to see and possibly begging for jobs, thesis defense the day I get back, maybe a trip to Seagrove, end of classes, possibly starting a job, possibly moving I suppose, though we don't use that word in this family if we can help it. Maybe more interviews, more applications, hopefully a little Frisbee and bread-baking. Grading the last papers, averaging, and wiping my hands of teaching for a little while at least. A few weeks of pollen. Humidity that will hit me like a wall one day when I least expect it. The beach house coming alive with visitors. And that's just about the last thing I know, the last thing I can say without speculating. Because things are about to change big time, no matter what. My job, my schedule, what I do all day, is going to be hugely different than it has been for three years, probably different than it's ever been. Nothing else is really certain either.

Well, that's not true, at all. God is certain, and the good teeth and eyes my mom complimented me on today, and all of my friends here because I know that even if I move, I'll have them with me and I'll be here, for as long as it takes, for as long as I need that. I will always have words, writing and reading, other people's blogs and library book sales. I'll have red wine and running, and curiosity and a solid sense of the ridiculous. There's a lot more that I, that we, will have no matter what, no matter where, no matter when. A lot of things will change. But everything, never.

I've been trying for a long time to cultivate trust. In people, in God, in myself. Every job rejection I get is a chance to reaffirm that I know God has a plan for me, not just a plan I fit into but a shockingly fierce plan for me, for my life, that wouldn't work quite right for anyone else. I put Him in charge daily. I thank Him for everything else, for all of the people that are making me smile, widely, even on days when things feel shaky and frustrating or worse. For Easter, which is the whole point. For weekends, which run a close second. In some ways, even though I'm being evaluated by strangers, even though I'm constantly waiting to hear from someone, even though I have a relatively small plot of ground to stand on these days, in some ways, I have never been happier. I have almost no expectations, except that God will provide what I need and will put me where I belong, job-wise, town-wise. If you walk a set of stairs as if each step is the last, you will never fall. One moment at a time. Deep breaths, long walks, and lots of The Office.

Breyer's ice cream is $1.99 at Harris Teeter until April 6th or so.

No school until Monday!

The new publishing imprint at school is using my handwriting for the logo! Who's bad?

I'm reading for pleasure again, with the thesis temporarily put to bed. It's beautiful. I feel like me.

Everything is just right tonight. May you feel the same way.

Dear God,

Please stop with the change. One thing at a time, please. I love You. Thank You for everything.

Amen.