File Under "Headlines that could be in The Onion but are actually real"

"Sarkozy wants a Paris judge to ban the sale of a voodoo doll of himself" -cnn.com

Know what's good?

Yogurt with honey and cinnamon. The combination was inspired by the vaguely Middle Eastern/ancient origin of all three. It's a little like eating the icing from a cinnamon bun but not, like that icing, sweet enough to make you sick or otherwise remorseful.

I'm thinking of eating exclusively "ancient" foods for a while, meaning ones that are mentioned in old texts, old meaning from a time when nomadism was common and houses were huts and the rest I just can't fathom. It's remarkable how much I'd be allowed: even if I stick to the East, as I always picture "ancient" as meaning all sand and oases as in the Bible and Rumi, I can have dates, figs, pomegranates, grapes, apricots, apples, and surely some other fruits. Lamb, pork, and fish (in theory, but let's be honest, I won't cook any of those). Bread, wine, olives, and olive oil (just those four are enough to hold me for a powerful long time). Yogurt, milk, butter, soft cheeses. I'm coming up short on vegetables, as usual. I could probably have tomatoes. Coconut? Maybe island palms are different from desert palms. Oh, I bet I could have peaches, nectarines, and plums.

I wonder why I'm so into categorizing foods like this, as if there's something better about these than, say, berries of American origin or cheddar cheese as opposed to goat. I think it's just fun and makes me feel smart, even though much of it is guesses ("That seems Middle Eastern, let's throw it in"). I also like the idea of having a diet of roughly this scope: enough choices you wouldn't get bored, but few enough you don't get overwhelmed. They always had a choice (in my idealized, romanticized version), but they never had more than 2 or 3 choices. Sounds nice, because my list of restaurants to go to is starting to look like the shelves of unread books--intimidating and insurmountable. Not to mention the different offerings at each restaurant, or the recipes I haven't tried. Luckily, I do have to eat, so the outlook is a little rosier than for the unread books. A little.

Wish I'd thought of that.

There is something so refreshing and honest about shows, movies, and other media that are clearly built on a very obvious, simple premise, as if dreamed into existence by a roomful of young people with beers. Part of the appeal is that my friends and I could come up with these things. I feel that way about Jaws, Tremors, and I don't know what all else. I'm watching the premiere of Time Warp on the Discovery Channel. All it is is they show cool stuff happening and make it even cooler by slowing it down with a high-speed camera. It's so elementary that I'm surprised it took us (humanity) so long to come up with it. It seems like something they would have done when they invented the high-speed camera. Maybe they did and just didn't televise it. I recommend it for mindless background entertainment.

Yesterday I made some olive and rosemary pancakes. Nothing sweet about them--regular pancakes aren't even that sweet, it's just the syrup, fruit, or sugar you add, but these are even more savory. A Mollie Katzen recipe. It feels so good to try something new. I already made all the batter into pancakes so I can freeze them, because while they're delicious, they're not the kind of thing I want to eat for a week just because they'll go bad. Actually nothing is the kind of thing I want to eat for a week, and I'm discovering how helpful my freezer is. Who knew? I got a blender on Monday and have had a smoothie every day since. I even used the food processor attachment for the olives in the pancakes. I've already officially gotten my money's worth. I love when a purchase proves itself so quickly.

My class discussed Annie Dillard today, and as usual they are more insightful and seasoned than I am and pretty much changed my mind about the reading. I'd forgotten, or just not known, how divisive Dillard can be. Lah-di-dah cock-eyed optimists like me eat her up, and cynics just sneer away. After our discussion today, I stand loyal to her but certainly see the basis for all criticisms. Many students said they just didn't get it, walked away unchanged, so we joked about checking the SparkNotes. That cracked me up, because what would be on the SparkNotes of Pilgrim at Tinker Creek? "Chapter 1: Annie goes to live at Tinker Creek. Chapter 2: She is still there and totally enthralled. Chapter 3: She tells us some fascinating information in an awed tone. Chapter 4: She visits the creek again and is awed again." Actually, I'm going to go check SparkNotes for that right now. The question is, does that matter? That there's no plot or change? The Pulitzer people say no. I say, eh, if a student wrote like that I'd probably tell them to show us a change in the narrator, show us a point, and not fall back on beautiful language. Now if we can only get my other class to step it up, which for them means, oh I don't know, read the material. Oh, the difference between general studies and creative writing students. At least in that class we're reading The Importance of Being Earnest, so I know what's going on just by reading it instead of relying on the big prof for everything.

There's a "parade to the polls" from campus tomorrow for early voting. I have class then, but how cool. I think I'm voting early. Why not? Yeehaw.

My Gift to You

Yo, check it. I was reading an eHarmony Advice article on romance, and there's a section on cooking. Among its sentences, we find, "Add some wine and candles, and Don Quixote will start looking like a slacker in comparison." Now, I don't know much about Don Quixote, but I never thought of him as romantic. I think the eFolks might mean Don Juan. If I'm right, this is funny. Funny enough to share with the world. You're welcome.

New to the blogosphere

I can't believe I just used that word, but it's an exciting occasion. The pastor who spoiled me such that I didn't like another church for years, recently retired, has set up camp here: http://ricksmumbles.blogspot.com/. This is an important man, and if you have a spiritual inclination you should check out his blog. It's brand new. (Heh heh.) So be among the first to visit! Maybe if you write comments, he will post a lot.

In other news, I think I've finally hit my stride with writing and come up with a comfortable, fascinating subject capable of keeping me interested long enough to write a whole thesis on't. http://www.taize.fr/. Very close to my heart. You should go. And invite me to go with you. Added bonus: I speak French, so I would be a valuable asset to your group.

I made not one but two trips to the library book sale. The only reason I'm not worried for my mental health in relation to buying books is that I was able to leave behind many books I could well have purchased. Now I've got the crowded-shelf problem anyway, and not nearly enough time to read. My habit lately is to read a bunch of books a little at a time, at the same time. Like, sit down with a stack and read one page of eight or ten books. I got the idea from Sparrow, so it can't be all bad, but it's making it hard for me to read anything for longer than that. I console/inflate myself by reading things like The Whipping Boy, and saying I read a whole book, look, I can read a whole book, I can. Holding it up as evidence (to no one but myself) that I am capable of reading a whole book. So cheap. Oh well. Since everything's cyclical, soon enough I'll be reading like a normal person.

Oh, here's something cool (can you tell I just learned how to insert links?): http://www.humancalendar.com/. Found through Scott's blog.

I think I'm going to the Seagrove pottery festivalS. I want all the dirt behind the clay. This is all fascinating, sad, and hilarious to me. Gotta figure out where it is and whether anyone I know lives close enough for me to crash with them, because I have a feeling there'll be no room at the inns. So exciting. Look at me acting like a real writer.

This is why I should go to places with no internet.

I've done everything on my computer today but write. I have expertly arranged my bookmarks (er, favorites), bookmarked (favorited?) some sites for writing research, looked at other people's blogs, written this post, checked email, reviewed the week's PostSecrets in English and French, and thought nobly upon the enticing possibilities of all the research I'm going to do, all the topics that are just so fascinating to me, all the books that are brewing inside this brunette-covered brain. And their name is Legion. Oh, you betcha (anyone? Anyone? Palin?), there's synesthesia, wine in France and in NC, Taize and Seagrove and pottery, comics, the history of typography, everything that pops into my head is there in full-fledged hardback bound form, right down to the author photo, which doesn't exist but I know just which pose I want. There's just one small problem.

The writing.

Not my thing lately, it seems, despite my mapping out all the ideas in my world and their connections on butcher paper on the kitchen floor, despite my blocking out time to write, despite my (parents) paying good money to be here and devoting three years of my life to writing, and taching writing--for goodness' sake, if my students knew how long it'd been since I really put myself into a piece and got behind it instead of dashing something off for workshop and couching it in disclaimers about how rough it is, they'd stage a coup. Unless we had class outside, in which case they wouldn't notice or care.

Other non-writing things I have done: library book sale, cheap massage at the technical college, reading Othello, reading other stuff, several episodes of Project Runway, walking Wrightsville Beach Loop, considering a small party, a little cleaning here and there. Nothing I shouldn't have done, but geez, I have got to come up with a system that will make me do what I say I do.

Any ideas?

I don't know how to get just the funniest part. The part I want to show you is about God and Jesus, several minutes in. Cracks me up for a good 18 hours now.

Something is wacky on my taskbar. Lugging the ol' computer to IT on campus tomorry and hoping someone there knows from Vista.

I spread out some butcher paper on my kitchen floor and made a sprawling map of things I could write about. Lots of connective lines. Groups of topics are becoming clearer. It's fun stuff.